A Rant about Peer Pressure

 My husband and I recently moved to a lovely new neighborhood – a lot nicer than we’re used to.  This is a place where people look out for each other’s well-being.  They do nice things for each other, like knock on your door bearing fresh fruit when they’ve bought one pound of cherries and eight kiwi  too many for their own families to consume.  They go fishing and bring you five pounds of bluefish.  They share, they care, and they ask an awful lot of questions.   Now, I understand the importance of knowing thy neighbor, but can’t we just let the relationship flow at its own pace?  Do I really need to give you a rundown of our families’ nations of origin, our work histories, last place of residence, on and on until I’m waiting for them to ask for a urine sample?  But the one question that EVERYONE asks me all the time, be it neighbor, friend or family, is one that has the potential to erupt from deep inside me a face-melting torrent of obscenities that would have made George Carlin blush, “Why don’t you have a baby?”  As if it’s this season’s can’t miss accessory, get yours today! 

Is this some type of life requirement these people think I’m blowing off like that 10^th grade Urban Mythology class that I believed would be utterly useless in the real world?  This is not a light topic for me or my husband.  The door is not entirely closed on the issue, we’re just comfortable leaving it in the ‘maybe someday’ pile.  Though there was a brief period of time during my late twenties when I did actually feel a physical urge to carry a child in my womb, the timing was off.  I had just opened a business and while I knew I would someday marry the man I was with, we just weren’t ready for all that.  Eventually, the urge passed.  But for what seems like the rest of the planet, that urge isn’t supposed to go away; you’re supposed to nurture it like the child every woman is supposed to want.

I honestly don’t understand the obsession with having a baby at all costs.  Of course, it doesn’t help to have a chorus of people following you around constantly affirming, “You should have a baby!”   Nor does it help that we watch these movies on Lifetime with characters who utter lines such as, “You’re just not a woman until you have a baby.”   I must have an invisible sign on my forehead that reads “Please ask me if I have a baby and then ask me why not”!  I’m talking about random strangers, from the guy in the convenience store to the old lady with lipstick all over her teeth in the produce section at the supermarket.   Enough already!

A note to the baby obsessed out there: calm the hell down already!  I’ve seen the toll this obsession takes on a marriage and the outcome is not always a favorable one even if you do get your wish.  And, please, don’t even get me started on those women who engage in contraception deception.  Lying to your man about birth control because you two are not on the same baby making page is just wrong and completely selfish on your part.

I believe motherhood is a calling that far fewer women organically hear compared to the number of women actually giving birth.  Most people just think it’s just the next thing to do in life.  Well, that’s just unacceptable to me.  Have a better reason than that!  Think carefully about what you honestly feel you have to offer a child throughout their entire life.  If it’s a ‘good’ life filled of stuff that would leave the Joneses wanting, think harder about this decision.  If you want to have a kid because your parents are begging for grandkids, urge them to foster a child or get them a puppy.  And, for the love of God, if you’re out there somewhere wanting to have a kid because you’re ‘just dying’ to see what it would look like, please go have your tubes tied – immediately, if not sooner!